A REALITY CHECK IN THE WAKE OF TRAGEDY

It’s been an interesting week for me.  For some reason, I’ve had a tough time waking up in the morning (which is VERY unlike me), I’ve been less motivated to work out, and I’ve noticed my self-esteem falling.  I’ve been doubting myself and thinking more negative thoughts.

When I realized this recent “slump” for what it was and caught myself in the act, I decided I needed to do something about.  For me, reflection through writing is usually the first step.  And as it turns out, today is a good day to reflect.   

When I step back to think about my sudden shift in disposition, I realize there is really no reason for it.  At work, I just received positive feedback (and not only that, but it was passed along for many of the “higher-ups” to see).  I have a boyfriend who showers me with compliments and encouragements – more than any girl would dream of.  I just got to spend an entire weekend with my family out-of-state. 

I’m blessed in so many ways and yet I still see flaws in myself and my appearance.  I agonize in front of the mirror before I go out – wishing my hair were thicker, wishing I had a different wardrobe, wishing I looked like someone else.  Why?  This is the person God wanted me to be.  And he gave me so many gifts.  How can I be anything but grateful?

Today, in particular, I have turned my focus to these things because I was reminded of the brevity and fragility of life.  Last night, a gunman in Colorado opened fire in a crowded movie theater, killing and wounding many.  It sickens me to think such things happen in our world.  And in a way, it makes me scared to go on living. 

But what’s the alternative? We can’t live our lives in fear.  Life is short enough as it is.  And we can never predict when or where tragedy will strike.  All we can do is get up each morning and face the day with a smile, counting our blessings and using our gifts to make the world a better place. 

The tragedy last night was a reminder to tell the people you love that you love them.  To not sweat the small stuff.  To live in the moment.

So really, when I think about it, why should I spend one second criticizing myself and doubting my abilities?  Instead, I want to hold my head high and show the world what I’ve got while I’m here.  I want to change my focus by taking it off of myself and placing it on others instead.  I want to make a difference in people’s lives so that even when I’m gone, I’ll be remembered. 

No more negativity.  No more lethargy.  I’m ready to live life to the fullest…because you never know when it will disappear before your eyes.

THANKFUL

Today, I wanted to take a minute to think about some of the things I'm thankful for (but take for granted on a daily basis) .  I was surprised how good it made me feel to stop and reflect.  Here's my list.  Try it for yourself!

Things I’m Thankful For

-The cool side of the pillow

-Q-tips

-Right turn on red

-Popcorn kernels that don’t pop all the way

-Caller ID

-Oversized sweatshirts

-Smiles from strangers

-Objects in clouds

-Cherry ChapStick

-Spell check

-Dreams

-Ice cubes

-A balanced checkbook

- Comfortable flip-flops

-Trailers before movies

-Silence

-The Acknowledgement section of books

-Gum

-Post-it notes

-Hairspray that doesn’t make my hair too stiff

-Childhood photos

-The seeds that spin when they fall

-Calls from old friends

-A handwritten note

-Thumbs

-My mother’s strawberry pound cake dessert

-Owner’s manuals

-Mirrors

-Sarcasm

-Hope

-Baked pumpkin seeds

-Anniversaries

-The window seat on an airplane

-Green grass

-School spirit

-Lightning bugs

CAUGHT IN BETWEEN

Here. Caught in the middle. Caught in between.

Lost, caught, torn.

I’ve always known my place.

Older Sister, Straight-A Student, Runner.

Sorority Girl, Wisconsinite, (and did I mention?) Straight-A Student.

I know, too, where I wish to go.

Wife, Mother, Writer.

For the past I yearn, for the future I hope.

LIVE IN THE MOMENT! But what’s the moment?

Where am I now? WHO am I now?

Friends far. Boyfriend far. Family farther still.

At home: Alone. At work: A Question.

Too many questions…

What am I now?

Lost. I am

THE POWER OF JOURNALING

I’m a believer. In a way, journaling is like church for me. It’s a time set aside to reflect. To learn. To listen.

I’m always surprised by the thoughts that come rolling off the tip of my pen if I let them. Often I sit down to write not knowing that I have so much built up inside of me. So much to say.

As we travel through the day, we’re bombarded with messages and images. We read books, watch movies, talk with friends. But in keeping up the pace we do, ideas slip and slide away.  They never sink in. They don’t make an impact. They don’t change us because we don’t let them.

If we could just slowwww down and allow these thoughts to grow, we could gain real insight through exploration.

One strategy I have found particularly effective is to begin with a quote. It could be inspirational in nature or it could reflect the theme of a book or movie. Then I examine its significance as it relates to my life.

In this way, journaling has become a tool for me to discover who I am in this phase of life and who I want to be in the next.

The key is to refrain from self-editing. Don’t worry about grammar or punctuation. Don’t feel pressured to maintain any continuity as you jump from thought to thought. And most importantly, don’t let journaling become a burden or chore. Do it purely for enjoyment, self-discovery and reflection.

Anyone out there share a fondness for journaling? As always, I would love to hear from you.

“STRETCHING” MYSELF WITH PILATES

As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been struggling with the whole “work becoming my life” thing. It wasn’t long before I became sick of the routine: wake up, work out, go to work, come home, go to bed.  B-O-R-I-N-G.

So I thought I’d try something new. And what better way to “stretch” myself than with pilates?! (OK, maybe yoga would have been a better way to "stretch" myself, but I took a yoga class in college and I needed something fresh and exciting.) Long story short, I signed up for a weekly pilates class at my local community center.

As I anticipated, my fellow “pilate-ers” were mostly middle-aged women, with the exception of two middle-aged men. (OK, so perhaps not the best way to make friends in the area.)

But BOY did the workout kick my young, moderately in shape butt. Although I didn’t break a sweat during the hour-long sesson, the soreness in my mid-section subsided just yesterday (just in time for class number two tonight…grreat).

By far, the best part was the five minute relaxation at the end of the class. Typically, I enjoy this part because I fall into a state of magical relaxation unattainable in the hustle and bustle of daily life.

However, this time I enjoyed it for another reason. My teacher, gazing at the full moon outside the classroom window, spoke to us whimsically about how wonderful it was – for the whole five minutes. (Actually, now that I think about it, she was more praising the moon as if no one could hear her.) For those of you special human beings who still watch Survivor, she reminded me of Coach. It was all I could do to hold in my laughter and force the smile off my face.

Overall, I enjoyed the class and the chance to learn something new. I look forward to going again tonight. Definitely no full moon this time…maybe I’ll get some relaxation in!