…was the hardest thing I’ve done in a long time. Let me
rewind and start from the beginning.
I’ve always been a cat lover. As mentioned in a previous
post, I had planned to get a kitten the moment I got an apartment of my own.
The emptiness and loneliness of living by myself made me even more sure of the
decision to invest in a living, breathing companion. And from the time I laid
eyes on Shandy (or Manhattan as he was originally called), I was hooked. He had
sunk his little nails into my heart and was holding on tight.
I remember the excitement of driving him home. Of setting up
his litter box. Of making him a toy out of pipe cleaners. When he fell asleep
in my lap the first night, I thought it would be the beginning of a beautiful
friendship.
But I soon realized that Shandy meowed incessantly. I’ve
been around quite a few cats before (and many kittens), and I’d never seen anything
like this. I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without setting off a fit of
cries. I fell asleep to meows and awoke to them, too. I thought surely he would
lose his voice sooner or later. Surely he would adjust to his new home.
But no such respite came. I thought perhaps he would settle
in over the weekend, as I was home for more extended periods of time. But no, no
such luck. I called the shelter to ask if this was normal behavior of a new
kitten getting adopted (I didn’t remember going through it with my childhood
cat, Abbey). They told me to bring him in so they could check to make sure
there wasn’t a health reason for his crying.
I waited a couple days (every time I got his carrier out to
take him, he did something cute, gave me that look, and I didn’t stand a
chance.). But finally I couldn’t take his meowing any longer. I had broken down to
tears myself and knew that the situation wasn’t a good one for either of us.
As I drove him back to the shelter, I could barely look at
him. I started crying the minute I walked through the door and struggled to
catch my breath as I explained the problem. The veterinarian there took a look
at him and told me that he looked healthy. She said he probably needs to be in
a home with other cats because he’s been around them all his life (I really
wish they would have told me that before I adopted him – before I welcomed him
into my home and my heart. But in their defense, they might not have known how he would react.).
They gave me a couple minutes to think over my decision, but
I knew what I had to do. I filled out the paper work releasing my ownership of
him. Although they offered to let me take a different kitten home, I couldn’t bear
the thought of it. All I could think about was Shandy and how terrible I felt having
to return him to the shelter.
I sobbed all the way home. My tears fell into his litter
box as I cleaned it up and put it into a closet. I kept his food and litter in
case I decide to adopt another kitten. But for now, I will mourn the loss of a
friend – a sweet baby boy with soft, golden fur and gentle eyes. I pray that he
finds a loving home that makes him happy. I’ll never forget him.
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