Sunday, October 2, 2011

POST-GRAD DEPRESSION…


…is a very real phenomenon. I have anecdotal evidence to prove it.

One night, a 22-year-old went out to dinner with her parents (who were visiting from out of town) and her aunt and uncle (who live nearby). She listened as they spoke of her genius brother’s achievements at Princeton and the wild success that awaits him. She smiled and nodded as they commented on her cousin’s street smarts and unmatched work ethic. Surely, despite a poor GPA, he will excel in the real world, they said. Then they asked about her “new and exciting post-grad life.”

Question: “So what types of projects are you working on at your job?”

Answer: “Oh, editorial projects.” Reality: I cut and paste so often my fingers get sore. I enter data into massive spreadsheets, stuff envelopes, and – if I’m lucky – pick up lunch for meetings.

Question: “So what’s your social life like?”

Answer: “Oh, well we have happy hours for work and I try to keep up with my college friends in the area.” Reality: It’s nonexistent. I live by myself and have no friends nearby. I talk to my boyfriend on the phone, though!

As the recent grad drove home in the dark to an empty apartment, she flipped through radio stations to find a song that reflected her mood. Then she sobbed all the way home (wiping tears from her eyes as fast as she could so she didn’t total her precious Ford Taurus).

Well if you haven’t figured it out by now, the 22-year-old is me. I’ve never been an emotional person. In fact, I’ve always been inexplicably happy. But I’m pretty sure I’ve cried more in the last month than I did in my first year on this planet (and as my parents can assure, that’s saying something!)


In addition to the loneliness of living in a one-bedroom apartment, the challenges of keeping a long-distance relationship strong, and the loss of all things "college," I'm struggling with the lack of direction in my life. I had school figured out. My goal for the past 17 years of life was to get the best grades I could. And with a GPA of 3.984, I think I did pretty well (sorry to brag...I have to cling to whatever positives I can find right now).


Well it gets worse. I realized the publishing industry isn't the place for me. Since then, I've had a hard time continuing to motivate myself to pursue sales. Sure, it's a paycheck (which God knows I need). But it's nowhere near my passions: writing and editing. I thought I could suck it up and convince myself that I had a “passion for sales.” But acting has never been my strong suite. Who am I kidding? I can’t even tell a white lie to save my life.


I’m pretty sure the sales managers could see right through me. But still, they strung me along, always providing that tiny glimmer of hope. Finally, after being given a THIRD sales book to read, I got the balls to ask about my real chances of getting a sales job. There’s “a possibility,” the manager said. But he drew out the words and tilted his head to the side. He might as well have told me I didn't have a prayer. At that point, I came to the realization that my time would be better spent searching for other opportunities.

So it looks like I’m on the road again. I need a new direction. Some signage would be nice.

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