GLASSES...HOT OR NOT?

My contacts have been bothering me all week. And no, it’s not because I rinsed them with the “burny” solution again. It’s thanks to my college-esque decision last weekend to sleep over in my boyfriend’s co-worker’s hotel room (WITH my boyfriend…no worries). Although I hate to do it, I borrowed someone else’s contact case…ick. But it was that or claw my eyes out the next morning. I chose ick.

So long story short, I wore my glasses to work yesterday and couldn’t help but wonder whether they served to elevate or inhibit my attractiveness in the eyes of others.

The way I see it, it could go either way. Look at Miss Sarah Palin, for instance. When she ran for VP, no one cared about her stances on the issues or how many countries she could see from Alaska. It seemed all anyone ever talked about was how hot she looked in those spectacles. On the politician scale of -5 to 5, she was quite the nickel!

 (Joe Burbank/Orlando Sentinel)

But then there’s the ole’ “four eyes” joke. They say all you really need to know you learned in Kindergarten. Well I beg to differ. I think it’s middle school. Now that’s where the REAL life lessons are learned (e.g., Don’t grab a girl’s boobs without permission. Avoid teachers who throw chairs. When the chocolate chip cookies aren’t hard as a rock or posing a salmonella hazard, buy as many as you can. And last but not least: Boys don’t like girls who wear glasses.)

My boyfriend tells me he likes it when I wear glasses. And for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. Perhaps they make me look smarter, so when “dumb blonde” comments slip from my lips, people don’t think I’m a COMPLETE idiot because, “Hey, she’s got glasses on. She must have a couple brain cells in there, right?” They stop my flirt (that’s for sure) because when I wear them, I feel like an awkward turtle…flipped on its back…with a teletubby painted on its stomach. Yeah, it’s kinda like that. Not to mention, my glasses are always at least two prescriptions old, so I can’t see a thing. (“Uh, is that SportsCenter or Animal Planet?”) OK, now I see why he likes them.

Sure, beauty is subjective, but I wish I could poll the entire world and ask: “Glasses…hot or not?” Until then, it will remain a mystery.